I'm Talentless.

It's just so true. I don't excel in anything. Everything that I have ever thought I was good in ended up being lower than average. I thought I was good in English but I continually score 3's and 4's on essays. I've never gotten a 5. I fail at providing good content and good grammar. My writing skills in Japanese which I have always been quit proud of are not really that great. Science I love but can't really follow as was proven with Chemistry.

But the most heartbreaking of all things is...that even though most of my time goes into gaming, I'm just not good at it either. All who say I'm good are usually just none gamers or people who don't play games that much. Other people always accomlish amazing feats in video games. I'm average at best. I thought I was a good healer in online games but that isn't true either as I witnessed tonight.

I'm just not good at anything. I'm talentless. All the things I love I suck at. I'm good at nothing! And for that reason I'll just be a nobody in this world. Someone who's faceless. Someone insignificant. Somone inferior.

Because even in something like a video game, I am talentless. And that is why I feel so down.

No, I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy. I don't need sugarcoated words that prove nothing. Because even if something were to change in the future now that I know that for the last 18 years of my life I have never been good at anything. I've never done anything spectacular. It's almost....meaningless.

Hey for anyone who cares a copy of Suikoden III in really good condition is less than $30 at EB. (Not the mall one)

If you read the manga and haven't played the game I highly recommend it.

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Nomura has been pressured into puttin Vivi into Kingdom Hearts II. I dunno. I get bad vibes from Nomura. His character designs are great, don't get me wrong. But I don't think he was reluctant to include one of Amano's characters because it's not his character and he's worried he can't live up to the standard but simply it's not his character and he won't get glory for it.

I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Also please, since most people only know Final Fantasy 7 and above....don't, please don't say that Final Fantasy is a great series if you only think FF7 and FF10 are great. That really annoys me.

One more thing. If Nomura is smart and not an idiot then he will realize the paralell that the heartless have to black mages. I shall use pictures as examples.

Heartless

Vivi

Yes, you see the similarity don't you? As far as appearance, at least. Any idiot can see that.

Now, for those of you who have never had the pleasure of playing Final Fantasy IX or those who have and don't really care... (Not like that is possible or anything, surely no one would hate FFIX)....Vivi is a character who is shy, submissive, polite, sweet, scared and mistaken. He is a dynamic character who becomes brave and begins to stand up for himself.

In Final Fantasy IX black mages are known to go about destroying towns and cities and in general, killing people. So guess what? People hate them. Guess what Vivi is? A black mage. So Vivi is accused of being a killer pretty much and is not well liked by NPCs. Vivi later on in the game finds a village of black mages who also get taken advantage of.

The Heartless from Kingdom Hearts look remarkably like black mages. They are cold and dangerous just like a lot of the black mages from Final Fantasy IX.

If Nomura is dumb enough or arrogant enough to not include the painfully obvious connection (meaning that Vivi is mistakened as a heartless or there is some connection between the two) I will gather a force of assassins wearing Cloud and Sephiroth costumes to excecute him.

In all seriousness, if Nomura doesn't do anything important with Vivi. I will cry. I will cry. I will cry. I will then say,"An opportunity lost." Because it is. And no the opportunity is not "missed" because it is so painfully obvious.

And there is my 100% biased rant about Vivi and Nomura.

It's my birthday on Saturday. I thought it would be nice to go with my family to Gohan-Ya for my birthday but I'm kinda worried if it's a suitable place to go out with one's family on one's birthday. I'm kinda worried that it might not be fancy at all. The name of the restaurant seems so.....generic. I mean really whoever thought of the name was not original one bit. About as original as someone naming their dog "Inu." In which case if you have named your dog "Inu" you deserve to be shot. :)

Heheh. In addition to the simple name "The Gang" often eats there. If someone eats there a lot it either means it has excellent food, good atmosphere, or is cheap, or all of the above. But that can't be true because Lynn-sensei said before she left that the prices were high because it's a new restaurant.

So I don't know. I think it'll be okay. But I am obligated to worry about it because I'm Kristen.

Wow. This layout and font sucks. I'm going to fix it though just not right now because I'm not in the mood.

I can't express to you in words how much this year has sucked. I hope that 2006 will be great.

I think it's because all of my worrying. Yesterday I got a physical. I've been having pains just below my left breast but my doctor said I have nothing to fear.

I was hoping that this would be a good day but it turnd out sucking. I've felt sick today. I got a flu shot on my left arm and a meningitis shot on my right and now I am scared that I'm going to die. I'm scared that I have meningitis.

I'm feeling better than earlier but I'm not feeling a 100% well. I have a headache and I'm scared that because it's on my right side and I got the meningitis shot on my right arm and so I'm scared.

The headache is hardly noticeable but that's only because I took some Aleve. November is going to be bad just like October.

If I'm not dead within the next 24 hours then I'll still be worried because I read an article on how 5 teenagers got Meningitis two weeks after they got the shot. And also I have a ton of lots of projects due this month and I hate Algebra II. Even on my birthday I won't be happy.

I want this year to end.